September 2010 by Solomon II
Alpha males are like the sun. They’re hot, bright, gassy, and will fry you to a crisp if you get too close. Women are like the earth. They’re comfortable, giving, and enjoy seasons of emotions because they are held on a naturally balanced path by the Alpha Sun’s magnetic pull.
But then there are the orbiters. The space trash. Betas and Omegas.
These guys orbit your girl just waiting to bust through and smash deep into her crust. Fortunately, most beta and omega orbiters are destroyed in her atmosphere before ever landing – the one good thing about her hypergamous nature – but you should still keep a keen eye on them. Sooner or later, you’ll need to be a Hubble telescope boyfriend.
I try to avoid dating girls with too many guy friends. I won’t go into how many times I’ve heard the “they’re just friends, and I don’t fuck my friends” argument only to have to see the stupid look on her face when I reply “so were we, and so was the boyfriend before me”. I’ve since given up even trying to explain myself and just quietly move on to the next romantic interest.
Women get it. They just pretend not to. Cue the “you don’t trust me” shaming language.
Every single girl I have as a friend fits into one of these three categories:
1) I work with her so we developed a 9 to 5 friendship out of necessity.
2) She’s dating my buddy, therefore I must tolerate her.
3) I want to fuck her until she can’t walk straight.
So gentlemen, if your dating one of those “all my friends are guys because women bring too much drama” girls, take a look and see which category she fits in for *them*. If it’s not 1 or 2, there’s a 95% chance you’ve got an orbiter on your hands. And of course, an orbiter can use categories 1 and 2 as cover when he really sees your girl as a category 3. If you’re interested in a LTR with a girl who has mostly guy friends, you had better keep an eye on the sky and do a great job of tracking the strays in her orbit.
I personally don’t think it’s worth the time or the effort.
So what to do? Nada. There’s not a damn thing you can say or do that won’t piss your girl off about having too many guy friends. Just stay quiet about it, but know the score. If she’s an attention whore like most women, she needs a group of male friends to make her feel desirable, and she hates the competition that other women bring to her world – competition for sexual attraction, emotional stimulation, and whatever the hell else is going through her pretty little head at the moment.
If you become inquisitive, you’re a controlling jerk. If you don’t care and don’t question who/what/when/where, she’ll eventually think you don’t care about her and are not trying to protect her. Either way, you can’t win with a woman who has all guy friends.
The most powerful thing I ever said to one of my girlfriend’s orbiters was “Dude, you can fuck her if you want. But if you do, you gotta keep her because I’m off to the next one.”
Of course he went and told her what I said within two days thinking she would run to him for comfort. Nope. Instead she did her best to fuck my brains out to prove that I could never find another woman as awesome as her and that I shouldn’t even THINK about moving on.
Silly girl.
Remember the next time you’re on a business trip and your girl tells you on the phone “I’m just chillin’ with Jim, Mike, Frank, Tom, Bill, Billy, William, Corey, Bob, Dave…” You have an attention whore on your hands and you may need to Hubble yourself.
SUGGESTED READING: Men and Women: Just Friends? By Tatiana Morales
Filed under Proverbs Tagged with dating advice, relationships
As iron sharpeneth iron, so one man sharpeneth another. Proverbs 27:17
Great writing!! Really liked this part: “But then there are the orbiters. The space trash”
I always thought that it was weird for girls to have lots of (non gay)guy friends and had read so much about how the guy is a controlling jerk. I totally agree with this article, girls know exactly what they are doing with these guys, getting attention. Maybe with this good information more people will be enlightened.